Do not ask, see through, do not argue with reason.

someone once commented on Cai Kangyong's way of saying things like this:

it is well known that Cai Kangyong can speak.

but his ability to speak is not witty, but with compassion, knowing not to do to others what he does not want, and the right silence.

in the final analysis, it is not difficult to speak, but it is difficult to keep a good balance between speaking and not speaking.

01

knowing not to ask is a kind of self-cultivation

sage Wang Yangming once said:

this sentence means:

when you do things, you should not only pay attention to the inner mind, but also pay attention to the ways and methods.

especially in speaking, we pay more attention to the method between speaking and not speaking.

I was deeply moved when I saw the stories of writers Ba Jin and Liu Baiyu on the Internet.

in 1962, Binbin, the son of Liu Baiyu, had a terminal heart attack. With a glimmer of hope, he took the whole family to Shanghai for treatment.

during the treatment, his friend Ba Jin and his wife visited several times, and each visit, Ba Jin never took the initiative to ask about Binbin's illness, but silently held Liu Baiyu's hand.

for Liu Baiyu and his wife, their son's illness is an unspeakable pain in their heart, and the touch of anyone is enough to make them burst into tears.

Ba Jin undoubtedly understood this, so he never mentioned it from the beginning to the end.

Liu Baiyu is deeply grateful for Ba Jin's many visits and companionship.

and Ba Jin just said faintly:

"nothing, I just happen to be free to accompany you."

in the face of great difficulties in life, endless consolation is not the best policy, and restraint without asking is the most precious companionship.

A cultured person says nothing but makes everything decent and deeply rooted in the hearts of the people.

writer Jia Pingwa once told a story about a man who stuttered. One day when he was walking with a friend, he met another stutter and asked for directions.

the friend who stuttered kept silent all the time. Later, his friend asked and said, "people stutter, too. If I answer, he will think that I am imitating and teasing him."

the story is short but profound.

sometimes, it is better not to ask a thousand words.

not asking is not unconcerned, but is aware of each other's emotions, can not bear to ask, for fear of saying the wrong word, hurt each other again.

A cultured person has empathy when others are in trouble, and understands that silence is more powerful than comfort.

there are always difficulties in life. You can be a wise man if you don't ask.

02

it's a measure of discretion

there was a topic on Weibo:

"what kind of people hate most in life"?

there is a highly praised answer:

"party pooper".

the so-called party pooper, sometimes he denies what others say;

sometimes he sees through what people say when they are tacit.

there was such a story on the Internet:

there were several strangers eating at the same table, and everyone was embarrassed because they didn't know each other.

at this time, someone volunteered to tell a few jokes in order to liven up the atmosphere.

everyone laughed together, but suddenly one person was very disappointed and said, "it's a joke from hundreds of years ago. is it so funny?"

as soon as these words came out, the field, which had just warmed up, suddenly cooled down.

in life, there are indeed a lot of such people, who always break the words of others at the wrong time. They seem to be smart, but they are actually quite annoying.

most of the time, it is not difficult for us to see through one thing, but it is difficult to restrain our inner desire to show off and see through others.

leaving leeway for words and doing things, seeing through and not saying anything is the measure that we must master when getting along with others.

before Meng Fei became famous, he was invited to a program to serve as a live emcee.

at that time, Meng Fei had just switched from journalism to the entertainment industry, and the way of hosting entertainment programs was so unfamiliar that he often couldn't pick up the conversation.

there were also many people at the scene who thought that his reaction was too slow to keep up with the pace, and there was a lot of talk.

Gao Lingfeng on the bench saw through his embarrassment, but did not speak bluntly, but joked:

"after I have finished, I will trouble Meng Fei to add, which can serve as the finishing touch."

this sentence eased some awkward scenes at that time and rescued Meng Fei, who was at a loss.

as an elder, Gao Lingfeng did not strongly criticize him by virtue of his qualifications, but gave Meng Fei a very measured step, so that to this day, Meng Feidu is still very grateful for his silence at that time.

sometimes, people's desire for expression is difficult to control, and those who know how to restrain themselves and see through without telling them have mastered the way of speaking and have compassion for others.

seeing through silence and knowing how to keep silent at the right time is the right way to speak and do things.

03

being reasonable is a kind of wisdom

there is a saying in the Book of morality:

in popular terms, even if you do not argue with others, others cannot argue with you, and naturally no one can compete with you.

eloquent, of course, is popular, but understanding is great wisdom.

during the reign of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, there was a prime minister named Gong Sun Hong.

he has always been highly valued by Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, and he was blocked even when he did not have any major military achievements, and his life was quite satisfactory.

and the reason why he is so smooth is his indisputable wisdom.

Gong Sun Hong was born in poverty and has always been very frugal, even after becoming prime minister.

at that time, a Duke did not understand and thought that he was very affected, so he complained to Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty:

"isn't it obvious that Gong Sun Hong is deceiving people with such a high salary and a rag quilt?"

Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty asked Gong Sun Hong whether, as du Wei said, Gong Sun Hong said bluntly:

"as prime minister, I am covered with a cloth quilt, which is really detrimental to my imperial authority. Thanks to Ji an's advice, his Majesty can hear these truths."

opinions are refuted by colleagues during every discussion, and Gong Sun Hong never argues.

when Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty asked him why he did not argue, he replied:

"those who know me will naturally know my loyalty, and those who do not know will think that I am unfaithful."

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in the repeated heckles of his colleagues, Gong Sun Hong retreated for progress, and without striving to gain the reputation of humility and generosity in the heart of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, he prospered and went smoothly all the way.

sometimes, not arguing is not confused, but it is rare to be transparent and wise.

A gentleman is harmonious but different, and there is no need for a strong fusion of ideas. Really smart people never spend time arguing.

not all fish live in the same ocean, just as not all people live at the same level.

there are many troubles in the world of mortals, and only by not arguing too much with people of different heights can we be free and comfortable in the world.

living in the world, knowing reason without dispute is a kind of wisdom that can do no harm, and it is also our life-long practice.

04

Emperor Liang Yuan once said:

this "beauty" lies in the sense of proportion of speech.

speaking or not, including communication skills, but also highlights the wisdom of human skill.

the highest state of life is not profound knowledge or wealth, but knowing enough is enough.

only by not poking people short, revealing people personally, and not debating people's differences can we be transparent and clear in the world.

May we all cultivate ourselves seriously for the rest of our lives, have the self-cultivation that we know not to ask, master the discretion to see through, and be full of wisdom that is reasonable and indisputable!

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