Hidden rules for adults: when you can be silent, don't talk too much.

Huang Tingjian wrote in his poem to Zhang Shuhe: "it is better to be silent than to be silent."

this sentence is not only Huang Tingjian's perception of life, but also the principle of Zhang Tingyu, the famous prime minister of the Qing Dynasty.

when we were young, it took us two years to learn to speak, thinking that language can prove everything.

when we grow up, we spend our whole lives learning to shut up and understand that silence is the greatest practice.

as Zhu Bailu said, "if you speak too much in the world, you will lose if you talk too much."

as the saying goes, right and wrong is only due to more than one mouth.

Don't talk too much when you are alive and can be silent.

01

everyone has different levels of cognition.

as the saying goes, there are more than half a sentence of non-speculation, different levels and different horizons, and no matter how much you talk, it will be futile. On the contrary, it may lead to more fierce disputes.

A few years ago, my son and I went to Chengdu by train.

get on the bus to find a seat, put down the luggage, my son and I took the cup to fetch water.

when we came back, we found that the scarf I had put on my seat had been draped over my shoulders by a woman in the next seat. The woman is fiddling with her scarf, trying to tie a beautiful knot.

I said to her angrily, "Hello, this is my scarf."

she curled her lips, pulled the scarf off her neck with disdain, threw it on my seat, glared at me sideways, and said, "the air conditioner is on so wide. Why is it so stingy?"

"it's rude of you to use my things without my permission." I can't help but burn with anger.

"it's not bad for you, so how can it be rude?" she has a very arrogant attitude.

I was about to argue, but my son interrupted me: "Mom, come on, don't be angry, it's not worth it."

indeed, it certainly doesn't make sense to reason with her in this situation. It is simply that a scholar meets a soldier, and it is unreasonable to say.

so I stopped arguing, put away my scarf, took out the ipad in my bag, played the movie downloaded in advance, put on headphones and watched the show with my son.

there is a saying in the Catcher in the Rye:

the two sides have different understandings and different values, and no matter how heated the debate is, no consensus can be reached.

Dale Carnegie said:

different ways do not conspire with each other. If you meet a bad person, you'd better shut up as soon as possible. You don't have to waste your breath.

02

everyone can't empathize. Don't explain that

was born human, born lonely. Their own pain, their own injuries, only they feel the most clear, the most real.

Don't expect others to empathize, because there is no empathy in this world.

as Star in the Deep Sea says, "if the needle doesn't hit someone else, they don't know how painful it is."

No matter how many explanations, only to open your own wound over and over again, instead of making yourself heal faster, you may get hurt worse.

in a variety show "I am an orator", the girl Sun Yibing told her story affectionately.

Sun Yibing suffered from isolation, exclusion, ridicule, abuse and even all kinds of bullying by his classmates since he was young because he was ugly and fat.

growing up, she didn't have any friends, and even the teacher rejected her: "your father is a professor and your mother is an intellectual. How could you give birth to an ugly and troublesome daughter like you?"

gradually, she began to be afraid of going to school and dealing with people.

in order not to go to school, she tried her best to play truant and even ate washing powder in order to get sick and have a fever.

in order to lose weight and to be beautiful, she began plastic surgery at the age of 17 and underwent a total of 13 cosmetic surgeries. She liposucted, cut off her stomach and exercised hard, losing weight from 180 jin to 95 jin.

when he talked about the past of these cones, Sun Yibing had tears in his eyes and choked up several times, and he couldn't go on.

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but the guests at the scene did not seem to empathize, saying bluntly: "there is no need for plastic surgery, because beauty will also be excluded."

guest Cao Yunjin also said: "there is no need for plastic surgery. You can rely on talent."

then, Sun Yibing told about his experience of being ridiculed when he went to see netizens when he lost weight.

after hearing this, Cao Yunjin immediately retorted, "what is talent to lose weight?"

for a moment, everyone present roared with laughter. But no one noticed how embarrassed and embarrassed Sun Yibing was on the stage.

the experience of your heart-breaking and tearful walk is just innocuous conversation in the eyes of others.

No matter how much you want to be understood and recognized by others, you should understand that others simply can't really feel their own pain.

as Goodall said in how to turn people into Gold:

since it is doomed not to empathize, instead of spending time and energy explaining to others, it is better to be yourself silently and know it by yourself.

03

everyone has unspeakable secrets. Don't expose

Goethe said:

everyone has unspeakable secrets. To see through without revealing is the greatest compassion and goodwill.

as the saying goes, "hit people but not in the face, curse others without revealing their shortcomings."

Xu Zheng once said in the program that when he was young, he had bright black hair, which made him veryPride.

but before the age of 20, he began to lose his hair until he went bald.

this is difficult for Xu Zheng to accept.

he began to collect hats crazily, buying a lot of all kinds of hats, even to the point where he refused to go out without a hat.

in addition, he also sought medicine everywhere and searched for various folk prescriptions to treat hair loss.

once in the dormitory, Xu Zheng was smearing hair lotion on his head, and all the students came to watch. Xu Zheng was so nervous that he accidentally knocked over the bottle and sent water flowing onto the table.

A classmate laughed at him: "do you think the table will grow hair?"

another classmate immediately said, "just look at his head."

as soon as the voice was over, the students roared with laughter, which embarrassed Xu Zheng.

times have changed, and it is estimated that the students have long forgotten this, but this insignificant "little joke" in their eyes has made Xu Zheng feel inferior for many years because of his appearance.

the speaker may not mean it, but the listener may not mean it.

you never know, your casual words may be a sharp weapon to others.

although time is the best cure. But the wound, time can only let it scab and scar, and will never heal as before.

so think twice before you open your mouth. Please don't expose the unspeakable secrets of others, and don't hurt others without knowing it for the sake of temporary pleasure.

keeping virtue under the mouth is self-cultivation, and not revealing people's shortcomings is a measure.

A man lives a face and a tree lives a bark. To see through and not to tell is to leave dignity for others as well as leeway for yourself.

04

Nobel Prize winner Mo Yan once talked about the origin of his pseudonym:

Mo Yan is beautiful, silence is golden.

the hidden rule of adults is: when you can be silent, don't talk too much.

the cognitive level is different, so there is no need to argue;

experience is different in the past, there is no need to explain;

the hidden mind is different, so don't expose it.

Jin Ying said in "the combination of sayings and objects": "to cultivate oneself is to clear your heart, and to be cautious in dealing with the world."

in the hustle and bustle of the crowd, being able to keep your mouth shut and be cautious in words and deeds is indeed the highest realm of spiritual practice in life.