I want to see you through binoculars.

Wen /Tongc

in every simulation exam in the third year of junior high school, my physics scores are 56, 57 and 58, and I have never passed. After the level test in the second year of senior high school, my physics failed, and the grade is, D, only me in the class, yes, D.

so I often say to others, "Physics is the only thing in the world that I think is sadder than math and lovelorn."

the strange thing is, I hate physics, but I dream of finding a boyfriend who is super good at physics, because I like smart people best. It seems that in British TV series, this is called 'Brainy is new sexy.''

once I waited expectantly for my loved one to pick me up with colorful auspicious clouds, but when I really came, I was timid.

on the night of the school rock festival, when Orange and I were discussing with interest on the playground whether the lead singer was more handsome or the bass hand was more handsome, her brother from the same department came over to greet us, along with his friend, A Tao, a physics man we later met. Orange chatted with the elder brother of the department, and Tao and I, who were left hanging, began to talk to each other in order to break the embarrassment.

We sat on the grass, the lights on the rock stage kept shining everywhere, and the band's singing kept the atmosphere high. On the evening of the middle of the lunar calendar, he told me the origin and meaning of the solar term "Lesser Fullness of Grain". I told him that the song the band was singing was my story.

night, grass, concert, moonlight, interesting conversation, all so close to each other, everything is just right. However, what happened later told me that some sincerity is doomed to be failed, and some relationships can only end at the level of "just right".

when the heartbeat that I haven't seen for a long time strikes, the first thought in my mind is not "love", but "danger, run away". Because I know that in a long-term relationship, the first moment of love can not last forever.

so when A Tao showed his intention to socialize, I began to avoid him constantly, pretending not to hear the phone, and pretending not to see it in the canteen. I no longer hesitated to open the dialog box and want to say something as before. I no longer remember anything interesting to share with each other. Because I don't want him to know anything about me, I just want him to stay away from me, as far away as possible, the more he is by my side, the more scared I feel.

I began to think that it would be good for everyone to be just friends. I don't know why. I get scared when you get close to me. You give me a chance to get you, but I'm afraid I'll lose you. I walk away silently, hoping you can ignore me as I ignore you.

always want others to be nice to you, and then you panic when they are really nice to you. Knowing that that person is the right person, is the best choice, but can not convince himself.

A long time ago, there was a reader who would leave a message backstage every night, sometimes saying that she had a final exam tomorrow, and sometimes saying that she had a cold. I replied to her "have a good exam" and "pay attention to rest" as I did every message. Later, at the offline event, she came to the scene to find me, enthusiastically brought chocolate vitamin milk, and added my Wechat. Before that, I thought everything was all right. On my birthday, I handwritten a long letter and sent it to me, telling me what I meant in her heart. She wanted to come to me and go somewhere with me.

after reading the letter, I unexpectedly changed from warmth at the beginning to fear, even a little impulse to escape. I regard the kindness of others as a nuisance, and when they come, all I can think about is Zuckerberg's saying, "I want my life to be as simple as possible without having to worry about making too many decisions."

I don't know if you have ever played Bubble Hall. In the game, you must keep your distance from others so as not to be hurt by their bombs. No matter how much game equipment attracts you in front of you, you can't move forward bravely. You have to keep your distance, retreat immediately after a sudden advance, and return to a position with walls on three sides to avoid injury.

just like us, we have a distance before entering an intimate relationship. Distance is good, it can not produce beauty, but it can ensure our safety.

it's strange that we can always be polite and intimate when dealing with ordinary relationships, but we avoid them. If you feel the same way, I think you are just like me. You run as soon as people get close to you because you are afraid.

when I was having dinner in a dumpling shop, I happened to talk about the boys I liked in the school uniform era. I laughed because I found a coincidence that we named it "people I like will eventually go abroad". The boy he liked in the first year of junior high school went to Australia and found a girlfriend there; the boy he liked in the third year of junior high school went to England and also found a girlfriend there, although he broke up later, but he was not with me; the boy he liked in the first year of high school went to Taiwan and got back together with his ex-girlfriend there; the boy he liked in the third year of high school is said to be going to Russia to work as an exchange student this summer and his return date is uncertain.

this coincidence is funny because I don't like them for a long time, so in retrospect I think it's all "doomed". What I want has never really stayed by my side. I am used to meeting everyone to see the result at a glance, the result is of course separate, since it is separation, why let myself go on?

you know it's a whirlpool. Why did you join in? I want to keep my distance from the people who come, and it is precisely because of my experience that I know that a person caught in a whirlpool will continue to live independently if he does not pretend to be handsome and cold later on.

if you are fed up with disappointment, you must understand that in all good relationships, your expectations, the results you want, are "what you think", and all this "you think" is just your "self-righteousness".

No matter how high the pressure in the third year of high school is, it will only be dejected at most.Lie on the table and don't want to move. Once I cried because a person was in the neighborhood where he could not see far from the rooftop, where the living room was lit with yellow lights and the TV was on. I imagined a mother serving food in the dining room, and my father had just come home from work to take off his shoes. The son was watching TV mischievously on the sofa. Because at that time, I lived a monotonous three o'clock first-line life at school for a long time, and my long-term desire for this "small home, ordinary life" made me cry that day.

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think of this thing after college, get used to independence and commitment, and then think of it. I only feel innocent and no longer feel a strong yearning. In reality, I witness clutch and desperation, and in my dream I am afraid to go their separate ways. The more experiences and witnesses I have, the more powerless I am to persuade myself to believe and devote myself when feelings come. I'm afraid that only I can fulfill the words "Don't leave" that I said to others in a low voice until the day I lost my life.

for a long time, I was glad that I didn't get hurt and then depressed like others. I looked at the injured people and couldn't help but sigh, "it's a good thing I didn't put in, it's a good thing I have protection from a distance."

but, I think, every kind of intimate relationship is a jam candy. I don't know if you've ever eaten it. The central part of this candy is delicious jam. If you want to taste it inside, you have to patiently digest the outer layer of hard candy with saliva. In the process, the hard candy becomes sharp because it melts, and it is easy to cut your tongue and bleed.

maybe I'll give up this sugar in order not to cut my tongue. I watched others bleed with complacency, not knowing that they were laughing at me for not knowing the attraction of jam.

as qu Xiaoliang in the TV series Ode to Joy said to Andy when she hesitated, "it's just to fall in love, why you think so much, whether you're tired or not. To fall in love is to see the right eye, instead of thinking about it, it is better to go forward and kiss and hug to know how you really feel. " My initial evaluation of her emotional view was "cynical and frivolous". I saw her and Dr. Zhao teasing each other in a taxi, hugging each other in a bar and laughing. I have to admit that for a moment, I envied her happiness.

it turns out that I am glad that I have avoided those entangled troubles, but in fact I was wrong, and the beauty that often comes with pain comes with it.

I think that leaving and deliberately staying away is a kind of bold determination, but the so-called bravery is actually cowardice. Because true courage is never without fear, but with fear, but still moving forward bravely.

after taking a course in Western Classical Culture, I appreciated a poem by Heine: "the stars hang high in the sky, motionless for thousands of years, looking at each other at a distance." One version of the explanation is that Heine feels that the distance between Heine and her sweetheart is as distant as the people on earth and the stars in the sky.

but I hope I'm not an astronomer and like to see you through binoculars; I wish I was an adventurer, like Alan Bolton, "I have no choice but to risk loving you."