If you are too nice to one person, you lose.

Ban Gu, a historian of the Eastern Han Dynasty, has a saying in Han Shu:

if you are too rigid, you will fold, and if you are too soft, you will be useless.

to the effect that it will be broken if it is too hard, and it will be useless if it is too weak.

that's what it is to be a human being.

people should be kind, but as Emerson said, "your kindness must be something sharp."

to be a man and do things, be kind, but be measured.

when you are alive, you should not only believe in the beauty of the world, but also understand the evils of this world.

people, don't be too generous. Kindness is sometimes disappointed, and kindness is easily trampled on.

not everyone is worthy of your consideration and contribution.

be a man, don't be too stupid, leave three points for yourself!

01

people, why do you feel cold?

as an old Chinese saying goes: rise rice to nourish grace, fight rice to nourish hatred.

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when a person is in distress for help, he will be grateful for the appropriate help for the rest of his life;

but if the favor you give him far exceeds the current difficulty, he will not find it difficult. On the contrary, he will take your help for granted.

that's the way human nature is.

A few years ago, there was a "love steamed bread shop" in Hangzhou. The owner, Ms. Li, was born poor herself. Seeing that there were many sanitation workers and homeless people on the street who did not have enough to eat, she planned to give them free steamed bread.

the landlady got up before 3 o'clock in the morning to mix noodles and made a hot breakfast for everyone in a hurry.

unexpectedly, only a few days after the activity began,

A worker asked the landlady, "I want cash, you give me 2.40 yuan, I don't want steamed bread!"

the landlady replied carefully: "Sorry, we only send steamed buns here."

only to be abused and insulted by these people.

"she just wants to be famous. I've seen a lot of people like this!"

"everyone can't get up early without profit. There must be something wrong with the shopkeeper!"

"who would give food to the homeless cleaners for nothing?"

they scolded the landlady for being immoral and spit that there must be something wrong with the shop.

44 days later, the landlady couldn't stand it and finally chose to close the shop. From then on, there was no more loving steamed bread shop in Hangzhou.

when a reporter came to interview, the landlady just cried and said:

the Book of changes says: if the sun is in the middle, the moon will be eclipsed.

the sun begins to tilt westward at noon and the moon begins to fall short at its roundest.

the same is true of being a human being. Being too good to others is the beginning of harm.

what you keep giving will only make him get used to it. Once you take it back, you will be criticized and scolded by him, or even bite the hand that feeds you.

to such a person, the more you give, the more cold you feel.

because he only knows how to take, not be grateful; he can only hurt, never cherish!

02

if you are too good to a person, you lose

as the old saying goes:

you can't be too flattering even if you expect help, and you can't be casual if you help.

the most important thing in being a man is to be prudent.

everything has a "degree", but it is not as good as too much. If you are too kind to a person, you will hurt yourself.

since he became famous, Big Brother Zhu Zhiwen, a farmer, has been controversial by people in the same village:

Brother overcoat paid to pave the way for the village, but he was called by the villagers to show off and smashed down the monument of merit erected for him.

more and more people came to borrow money from him, but no one mentioned it.

then what on earth can he do to satisfy everyone? Some people say:

even if Big clothes let them get what they want, can they really get a "good"? No, it won't!

that's why recently that man kicked open the door of his house and shouted arrogantly, "it's all right, he doesn't dare to care about me!"

if you are too nice to one person, you lose!

every time you give in, you will only let the villain succeed! Let those little people stand in front of you, spit at you, and continue to ask you for money!

there is such a short story:

when an old man retired in old age, he was faced with three excellent sons who could not choose his successor, so he consulted a Zen master.

the Zen master asked the three sons the same question: a good deed he had done.

the eldest son said:

the second son said:

the third son said:

after listening to the answers of the three sons, the Zen master told the old man, "the third son can take up this post."

the veteran is puzzled.

the Zen master said:

so the estate was handed over to the third son. Sure enough, business is getting better and better.

Buddha said: "people should not do too much, things should not be too clear; if everything is done too much, fate will come to an end as soon as possible."

when you are alive, you can't go too far.

if you are too kind to others, what you get in return is that others don't care about you.

if you indulge for a long time, no one will care about your efforts. Such a sacrifice is in vain. Those who are wronged because of accommodating others are not worth it.

between people, you know my pay, I cherish your not easy, so, is precious.

if you don't understand, if you disdain, then all your efforts will be unnecessary.

be a man, don't be too aggrieved. Everyone should live for himself.

03

everything must know that enough is enough, and if it develops to the extreme, it will inevitably go to the opposite.

your soft heart, if there is no boundary, will only let the other person gain an inch;

your kindness, without principle, will only let the other person do as he pleases.

there is a story in Xianyuan of Shi Shuo Xinyu:

during the three Kingdoms period, when Zhao Ji's daughter got married, she told her daughter, "when you come to your mother-in-law's house, do not do any good deeds."

my daughter is confused. Doesn't she do good things and bad things?

Zhao Ji said solemnly, "you can't do good things, let alone bad things!"

later, Yu Jiaxi said in Shi Shuo Xinyu Dianshu:

the main idea of the ancient elders' intention to educate their daughters was not to deliberately do good deeds to let others know, so as to make people think that you should do good deeds. It's not that I don't want you to do good.

that is to say, Zhao Ji does not ask her daughter not to do good deeds, but not to help others whenever she has something to do, so as to show that she is greedy for a good name and will attract jealousy and hatred from others.

between people, we should pay attention to moderation in everything.

everyone should be responsible for their own life, but once they become dependent on the help of others, they will gradually become unrecognizable and unaware of their original intentions.

to be a man, you have no obligation to be kind to anyone forever.

if others are kind to you, you can return it doubly; if you are kind to others, you can keep it appropriately.

be a man, pay with measure and be patient with tolerance.

Let's not overestimate how good human nature is, nor underestimate how evil human nature can be.

between people, it is just right to give seven points to others, and the remaining three points to be kind to themselves.

May you be kind and moderate, don't give too much, and be treated gently for the rest of your life!