Li Meijin: if there are adolescent children in the family, why should the father work harder?

Professor Li Meijin once said:

when children reach puberty, what they need most is not the gentle tolerance and care of their mothers, but a more powerful force to restrain and support their rapid growth.

Father is such a role.

he symbolizes strength, bravery, decisiveness and perseverance, and naturally represents a sense of independence, a sense of regularity and a sense of responsibility.

when children enter puberty, their father's words and deeds determine the tone of their growth.

01

the dignity of a father

determines the bottom line of a child's life

Human behavior studies show that 80% of juvenile delinquents in reform-through-labor institutions are growing up without the attention of their fathers.

they either don't live with their father, or they don't get their father's love.

for adolescent children, the father is not only an identity, but also a force of moral restraint, drawing a bottom line for the child's life.

once saw a news:

in Virginia, a 10-year-old boy was driven off the bus by the driver for bullying his classmates on the school bus.

as punishment, he is not allowed to take the school bus to school for three days.

after the matter was known by the father, the father did not beat and scold his child, nor did he plead with the school, let alone drive his own child to school.

he ordered his son to run to school by himself for a week.

while the father drives his car every day, following his children. Even if it was raining outside, he wouldn't let the child on the bus.

Father said: "he began to bully behavior, I can not tolerate, will not forgive!"

so the child who made a mistake had to go to school nearly 2 kilometers away on foot with his schoolbag on his back.

after a week of punishment, the child not only stopped bullying his classmates, but even got praise from the teacher.

Adolescent children tend to swing back and forth between being sensible and being ignorant.

A wrong behavior, if no one dissuades it, will become a ticking time bomb in the long run.

on the other hand, because mothers are naturally soft, they are easy to be soft and doting when their children make mistakes, and their control is not strong.

only in front of the father who is in control, the child will respect and fear, and will unconsciously rein in his bad temper.

as Freud once said:

because fathers will act according to the rules and suppress the destructive and aggressive behavior of their children.

in this process, the father can use his absolute dignity to restrain the child's wrong behavior and shape the child's values.

so the role of the father is crucial during puberty.

02

the father's knowledge

determines the direction of the child's growth

see the stories of netizens on the Internet. When he was in the third year of senior high school, his academic performance was relatively average.

Dad wants to sign him up for several cram classes, hoping that this will improve his grades a little bit, even if he can't get into an undergraduate course in the future, at least get a better college.

he doesn't want to, because he thinks that college is a waste of money, so he might as well come out to work and at least get some experience.

so he particularly arrogantly said to his father, "by the time I get out of a junior college, other people will have several years of work experience. By that time, I will have no education, no experience, and I can't even find a job."

my father, who only had a junior high school education, did not mock him, but helped him ask for a few days off from school and took him to his place of work.

that is a factory. Dad's daily job is to pack up everything on the assembly line.

on the first day, he thought his father's job was so simple that he just repeated a few simple movements mechanically.

but on the second and third day, he couldn't stand it any longer.

on the fourth day, Dad said nothing more, but patted him on the shoulder and told him, "go ahead, you'll be late for school."

it was the first time he had a clear sense that he could choose a better path.

so he went back to school, began to study hard, and finally was successfully admitted to a good undergraduate college.

now, he is an intern in a big company, following a group of powerful seniors to see the bigger world.

I remember the famous psychologist Spencer once said:

"the father is the guide to the outside world."

especially for adolescent children, fathers can provide more information than their mothers when they are ready to reach out to the wider world.

there was a piece of news some time ago.

the 14-year-old boy didn't want to go to school, and his father resigned to accompany him to travel to China.

Father and son drive their own RV from Dandong Donggang to Luoyang, Xi'an and other places to experience life.

during the 50-day journey, the father took the child farther away and saw the bigger world.

after the journey is over, when I get home, the child who used to be tired of learning said:

"even if the study is hard, I will force myself to suffer."

A trip changed the child's outlook on life.

the father's vision and pattern measure the future life scale of the child.

he gives his children role models, vision, faith and inner strength to make them see further.

he is a guidepost on the way for adolescent children to grow up, pointing out the direction for their children when they are confused.

03

the words and deeds of fathers

determine what kind of person their children become

some statistical results show that

50% of college students think that their father's image, hobbies and interests have a great influence on them.

60% of college students think that their father's greatest influence on them is his role model and strong character.

30% of the students think that their father's words and deeds affect their growth, and even think that they are a replica of their father.

the puberty of children needs a father, because they need to learn how to pick up people and things from their father, and they need to imitate their father's behavior to make themselves stable.

A netizen on Zhihu said that it was because of his father's words and deeds that he learned to be a man.

once at dinner, he asked his mother to help him with the meal, while he continued to pick up food.

my father, who was sitting quietly eating, suddenly drank very harshly, saying, "Mom specially stopped to help you with your meal, but you kept eating, which is a sign of disrespect."

when he was in the rebellious period of his early youth, he disagreed and replied, "it's no big deal. I'll ask my wife to help me with my meal later."

as a result, his father not only scolded him, but also beat him up, asking him to reflect on his behavior and write a review.

since then, he has learned to fully respect any efforts made by others.

on another occasion, he accidentally broke other people's books.

because he wanted to save face, he not only did not apologize, but also made rude remarks, saying that the classmate was as rubbish as the book.

so the two men got into a fight and finally called the parents over.

my father did not have the public to beat him and scold him, and without saying a word, his classmates and parents stooped to apologize.

when he got home, his father asked him why he didn't apologize for what he did wrong. He said, "Men, what a pussy to apologize!"

Father said:

since then, he has come to know what is a person's responsibility.

the famous psychologist Gerdy said:

"Father is a unique existence and has a special power in raising children."

from a child to an adult, the father is the best role model.

A good father can teach his children how to be a good person.

04

the famous British litterateur Herbert once said:

the father is the guidepost on the way to the growth of adolescent children, pointing out the direction for their children when they are confused;

is also like a compass to get the deviated child back on track in time.

it can also be said that the father is the child's textbook and guide.

being a good father is not an easy thing, but a father is an indispensable help in the growth of a child.

the following seven suggestions are suitable for fathers with adolescent children.

1. In many forms and communication.

with the popularity of social software, many children will transfer social networking to social software. Words that are embarrassed to say can sometimes be better expressed through social software.

2. Know what your child likes.

it is often difficult for fathers and children to communicate because they do not understand their children's preferences.

once you know your child's preferences, you can not only take it as a topic, but also join the child's circle and become their partner.

3. Support children's activities.

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as children grow up, they will participate in more and more activities, such as graduation ceremony, classmate reunion and so on.

at this time, fathers need to give some financial support, which can help children expand their social circle.

4. Respect your child's privacy.

older children pay more attention to their privacy.

excessive supervision will only make children's rebellious psychology more and more serious.

5. Try not to point out and correct your child's mistakes in front of others.

do not teach children before people.

Adolescent children take self-esteem very seriously.

only give the child due respect, and when the queen educates the child, the child is more willing to listen.

6. Don't tell your child or imply that your father is always right.

the father's absolute correctness is tantamount to denying and belittling the child when he has friction with the child.

this will not only hurt the feelings between parents and children, but also make the child fall into a state of self-doubt.

7. Don't protect your children too much.

adolescence is actually a transitional period for children to become adults.

at this stage, they should try new things and make some mistakes so that they can go more smoothly for the rest of their lives.

although these seven suggestions are simple to say, they are rarely due to the efforts of my father.

A child grows only once, and puberty is a key stage in determining who a child will become in the future.

every word and deed of the father will guide the child to the corresponding life and quietly affect the child's life.

May every child find a good key to a new stage of life in his father.

I also hope that every father can teach excellent children.