The top accomplishment of adults is "slow opening half a beat".

before, there was a very popular joke on the Internet:

someone picked up an iPhone and was worried about how to give it back to the owner, when the phone rang.

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before he answered the phone, the owner shouted on the other end of the phone:

"you'd better give the phone back to me. My phone has satellite positioning. I already know where you are!"

that man came up with a hot temper and bought more than a dozen hydrogen balloons tied to his mobile phone and let it float away: let you go to satellite positioning!

there is a saying in the Book of Rites: "if the water is deep, it will flow slowly, and if you are expensive, it will be late."

whenever you come to your mouth, you have to slow down half a beat until you think about it.

01

I have read a story.

A student of Socrates hurriedly found him, looked excited and said in a panic:

teacher, I have something to tell you.

Socrates quickly interrupted him:

"if you tell me, have you gone through three sieves?"

the student shook his head in confusion.

Socrates said:

the first sieve is this true?

the second sieve is what you said is well-intentioned?

the third sieve is this really important?

all the students gave no answer.

Socrates mused: "since it is not important, it is not well-intentioned and cannot guarantee its authenticity, then do not say it casually."

it's the same to go back to life. It is not difficult to open your mouth, but it is not easy to speak slowly.

it is a kind of communication wisdom to filter with Socrates'"three sieves" before speaking.

02

A few years ago, I had an argument with a colleague for work reasons.

at that time, we were responsible for recording a program together, but the division of labor was different. I was mainly responsible for the pre-script and shooting, and he was responsible for the later editing.

but after the film comes out, the style is very different from our initial communication, but there is only one day before we hand in the film.

at that time, I was in a hurry and said in front of many colleagues, "I clearly understood the communication before, but why didn't you understand it?"

immediately froze the scene. This colleague not only refused to dock with me again, but also alienated me a lot in private.

although I was a little anxious because my work did not achieve the desired results at that time.

but this embarrassing way of speaking in public not only didn't solve the problem, but also cost me a partner who fought side by side.

I agree with Seneca: "the best way to cure anger is to wait."

the angrier people are, the more likely they are to say impulsive words.

when we are in the mood, the words are on the tip of our tongue, and if we wait a little longer, we will have different results for things.

if you say it, it's like spilled water, and you can't get it back no matter how you regret it.

after this incident, I deeply understand that it is really important to behave in the world and speak slowly.

as the saying goes, think before you act.

speak the same way, think twice before you speak, and leave a little time for silence.

as said in the book the Art of speaking:

03

listening is the best expression

Wang, a distinguished family that has lasted for more than 1700 years, has a six-character family motto:

"speak slowly, heart should be kind."

but in reality, there are many times when people are eager to express without thinking.

American host Linklater once interviewed a little boy while hosting a program: "what is your dream?"

the child said excitedly, "I want to be a pilot!"

Linklater deliberately teased him and asked, "what would you do if the plane was halfway over the Pacific and ran out of fuel?"

the little boy replied, "I will first tell the passengers on the plane to fasten their seat belts and then jump off with their parachutes."

when they heard this answer, they began to blame and ridicule the little boy.

except Linklater, who was in no hurry to express his opinion, he continued to look at the little boy.

at this time, the accused little boy cried and said sincerely, "I'm going to get the fuel. I'm going to come back."

at this time, everyone was silent.

Shakespeare once said in the futility of Love:

when communicating with others, he is eager to express his views, which often leads to misunderstandings and hurts others without knowing it.

knowing how to calm down and listen to others is the most basic understanding and respect for others.

04

slow opening is a person's top charm

writer Wang Meng once said: "whether a person has a level or not is mainly manifested in speaking."

Cai Kangyong also mentioned more than once that what you say is what you are.

the spoken words are not a simple combination of Chinese characters, but the expression of one's inner feelings.

Hu Shi and his wife Jiang Dongxiu have a traditional arranged marriage.

one is a great talent, while the other is illiterate and is extremely mismatched in the eyes of outsiders.

Jiang Dongxiu is still quick-tempered, speaks bluntly, and often gets angry about trifles in life.

but Zhang ailing praised Hu Shi's marriage in this way: "they are old."A rare example of happiness in a marriage. "

the reason why Hu Jiang's marriage can become a "happy example" lies in Hu Shi's slow personality and slow mouth.

after they got married, the financial power was in the hands of Jiang Dongxiu. Hu Shi could not enjoy buying books, so he paid on credit.

for a long time, Jiang Dongxiu returned the money and came back to complain and abuse. He only laughed and never lost his temper.

such things are common, but whenever Jiang Dongxiu loses his temper, Hu Shi listens to her silently.

after Jiang Dong's grace faded, Hu Shi unhurriedly persuaded and patiently analyzed the matter to her.

to speak bluntly, it is better to "speak slowly".

it is this "slow half-beat" words that give each other room to calm down, reduce many quarrels, and make the couple, who have very different personalities, spend their whole lives hand in hand.

the reason why many families are not harmonious is that no one is willing to "speak slowly."

if you carry a gun with a stick, the other person must be full of gunpowder;

if you speak slowly, the other person will be gentle and gentle.

knowing how to "open your mouth slowly" is not only an ability, but also a person's top charm.

please

finally share a story with you.

the young mother took two apples to her young son to see if her son would share one of them with her.

but after the son got the apple, he took a bite on both apples.

the mother was so sad that she was about to scold her son.

just then, the son said in a milky voice, "Mom, you eat this apple. I've tasted it. It's not sour!"

Mother's tears came down in an instant.

just like you can't rush to drink water after exercise, and when you're in a mood, don't worry about talking.

learn to slow down by three points, and you will find that

some bad things will turn into good things;

some so-called malice may hide an enthusiasm.