Three tips for good parents: no lack of position, no offside, no dislocation (depth good article)

when every child comes into the world, it is a blank sheet of paper.

some parents draw flowers on it, then the child will bloom; some parents throw ink on it, then the child will no longer be white.

the behavior of parents is the pen that outlines the life of their children.

if parents want their children to have a bright future, don't make mistakes in these three things.

01

Father's absence

loses the child's heart

it is inevitable that all kinds of problems will occur in the process of children's growth.

and it is always the mother who finds the problem in the first place.

whenever a mother tells her father and wants to solve her child's problems with her father, she often gets the answer:

Long for a perfect empire wedding dresses that flows around your curves, flattering your height? Be enthralled by the combination of subtlety and comfort.

"I'm so busy at work, I don't have time to take care of my children, so it's up to you."

do not realize that some education can never be replaced by mothers.

as the famous psychologist Jung said, motherhood represents emotion, while paternity represents rules.

if a child grows up without his father's company, then when he grows up, he will often lack reason and goals, and even break rules and boundaries.

Jackie Chan once talked about such a thing in an interview:

once, he wanted to pick up his son from school, but he stood at the gate of the primary school, but his son could not be seen.

when he got home, he asked his son what was going on.

my son bowed his head and did not look at him. After a long time, he said gloomily,

"Dad, I am already in middle school."

years later, when talking about his father, Jaycee Chan said:

"I don't remember my father, not even my back."

the absence of his father left a huge blank and pain in Jaycee Chan's heart. When he grew up, Jaycee Chan began to seek stimulation and break through the bottom line again and again.

until 2014, Jaycee Chan was arrested for drugs.

Jackie Chan has expressed his guilt and debt to his son more than once in public.

but the growth of children is irreversible.

if the father neglects to accompany a child in the process of growing up, then when the child grows up on his own, the father loses the right to educate the child.

at this time, the child's heart is full of resistance to the father. No matter how much advice and advice the father gives, the child will turn a deaf ear to it.

my neighbor Uncle Li is also a father who "doesn't have time" to discipline his children.

he is a truck driver and seldom goes home.

I seldom take a vacation. I have to run into the chess and card room before I stay at home for two days. The child pestered him to read him the text, but Uncle Li pushed him away impatiently.

after several times, my son stopped looking for him.

until his son was in the third year of junior high school, Uncle Li suddenly received a call from the police station saying that his son took part in a "firefight" and stabbed people into serious injuries.

Uncle Li rushed to the police station and slapped his son hard in the face, but the son suddenly burst up and shouted to him:

"you haven't cared about my life or death since I was a child. What right do you have to hit me now?"

looking at my strange son, Li Shu was unable to say a word of accusation at this moment.

the most taboo in education is that fathers are lazy and absent from the growth of their children.

as Dong Qing said:

Education is a live broadcast that cannot be repeated, and there is only one chance in a lifetime.

if the father cannot do it himself, then the laziness that he steals from his children now will become a lifelong regret in the future.

once education misses the most critical years, it will be useless to make up for it after that.

02

the mother's offside

the child's future is not far away

Gorky said:

maternal love is an instinct.

there are very few mothers in the world who don't love their children.

but not every mother knows how to educate her children.

do you still remember Wei Yongkang, a child prodigy who was dropped out of school?

at the age of 13, he was admitted to the Physics Department of Xiangtan University, the youngest undergraduate student in Hunan Province, and entered the master's degree program of the Chinese Academy of Sciences at the age of 17.

but the highlight of life came to an abrupt end when Wei Yongkang was 20 years old.

in that year, Wei Yongkang was eventually dropped out of the Chinese Academy of Sciences because it was difficult to take care of himself.

and all this is because the mother has always been offside.

growing up, Wei Yongkang's mother firmly believed that "everything is inferior, but reading is high." Take good care of my son in my life.

even though my son is already in high school, he still insists on feeding him.

until he entered the Chinese Academy of Sciences, Wei Yongkang, who had no mother beside him, suddenly exposed the true face of the "giant baby":

in life, he was unable to take care of himself. He went to Tiananmen Square in winter wearing single clothes and slippers;

in study, he had no autonomy and could not adapt to the independent research mode of colleges and universities at all.

after her son was dropped out of school, the mother regretted that she had done so much for her son that he was still unable to be independent when he reached the age of weak crown.

Wei Yongkang's mother is the epitome of countless offside mothers:

they love their children more than anyone else and want their children to walk more easily and smoothly in the future than anyone else. But their way of expressing their love is unlimited giving and doing everything.

finally, the child's soaring wings were cut off with his own hands.

I have seen such a piece of news:

David is a returnee with a master's degree in engineering. after graduating from Tongji University, he received a master's degree in engineering from a Canadian university.

in theory, such David should have a bright future.

but since returning home in 2012, David has stayed at home every day, sleeping during the day and playing games at night, until the age of 42, still living on his mother's meagre income.

Today, the 82-year-old mother is not only financially strapped, but also suffering from uremia.

in desperation, the mother took David to court in an attempt to force her son to go out to work.

at the mention of her son, the mother burst into tears:

Peng Kaiping, dean of the Academy of Social Sciences of Tsinghua University, said:

it is the mother's nature to love and pay for her children.

but parents should be far-reaching when they love their children.

in the process of raising a child, only the mother is not offside, let the child experience the road that should be taken, and let the child bear the hardships that should be borne by the child.

Children can fly higher and farther in the future.

03

Family relationship dislocation

waiting for children will be a lifetime tragedy.

it is common to see such a situation in life:

since having children, husband and wife have changed their address to each other from "husband" and "wife" to "father" and "mother".

along with it, there is also the order of the family:

before, everything put the relationship between husband and wife first; now, everything comes first to the children.

as a psychologist said:

"in many families in our country, the parent-child relationship is above the relationship between husband and wife. In other words, the functioning of family relationships is child-centered. "

the TV series Tiger Mom and Cat Dad describes such a scene:

Tong Dawei and Zhao Wei were originally a loving couple. After giving birth to their daughter Sisi, they devoted themselves to their children and their feelings faded a lot.

in order to regain their passion for marriage, the two decided to give their children to the old man for one day to relive their world.

during the process of dating, the couple worried that their daughter would not get used to living at their grandparents' house, and then discussed what to pack for their daughter.

finally, Tong Dawei sighed helplessly:

"now we have nothing to talk about but Cissy, right?

I found that after marriage, these three words are inseparable from the children. "

in a family, when the parent-child relationship is better than the husband-wife relationship, it will not only cause coldness in the relationship between husband and wife, but also do more harm than good to the education of the children.

after all, the higher the status of the child, the lower the status of the parents, and the more difficult it is to educate the child.

in life, Mom and Dad take Sisi as the center everywhere, so that Cissy has developed a selfish and indifferent character.

in school, Sisi is too self-centered and can't get along with her teachers and classmates. In the end, he suffered from depression.

misplaced families think they are doing it for their children, but they do not realize that they have done harm to their children.

I know a mother who quit her job after the baby was born and went home to become a stay-at-home mother.

as the child grows up, the mother's social circle becomes smaller and smaller and she loses herself completely, but all her sons are always yelling at her, throwing a kitchen knife at her in the worst case.

my mother feels heartache at the thought of what she has done for many years.

unexpectedly, her son said:

if a mother wants to make up for her child, she tries harder and harder to be kind to her son, even to the point of responding to every request.

but finally, when his son was admitted to a foreign university, the first thing he did was to block his mother's Wechat with his own hands.

Bi Shumin wrote:

conversely, a good family will always regard the relationship between husband and wife as the core of the family.

A study from Harvard University has also shown that families in which couples have a harmonious relationship and family members love each other are the most important conditions for children to grow up happily.

Children who grow up in such families have better academic performance and have fewer emotional and behavioral problems.

in the final analysis, the most important thing in education is not to put children first, but to let children see how their parents behave and how to face life.

04

German philosopher Karl Jasper said:

in many cases, the "validity period" of educating children is only a short period of ten years.

Don't wait for your child to grow up to regret not being with you;

Don't wait for your child to become a "giant baby", then regret not letting go sooner;

Don't wait for home to become an ice cellar or battlefield before parents regret putting their children first.

the best teacher is no better than his parents' words and deeds.

No matter how good the school is, it is not as good as the hard lifting of the family.

only when parents live into a ray of light can they try their best to illuminate their children's future life.

only when the father is not missing, the mother is not offside, and the family relationship is not misplaced, can we achieve real success in educating children.