To parents: no matter whether scolded or punished, you can't cultivate excellent children.

A 7-year-old boy always likes to throw small stones at people on his way out of school. The parents taught many times that the boy fell on deaf ears and refused to change.

the helpless parent picked up a big stone and punished him to hold it and walk for 20 minutes.

this has an immediate effect!

the boy walked painstakingly with the stone in his arms, crying and shouting, "I'll never make such a mistake again!"

the comment area is full of praise for parents:

"good punishment, so you will learn your lesson."

"Yes, the parents' values are correct, and the child will not take the wrong path in the future."

"it's better for such parents to like than to want to go to education when they grow up!"

.

telling 100 reasons is not as profound as a lesson.

Professor Qian Wenzhong of Fudan University said: "after all, children are not adults. They must be disciplined and punished."

punishment is not the goal, but to let children know that they are in awe and obey the rules.

punish the bear child who has done something wrong properly, he will know fear and regret, and will restrain his bad behavior.

01

No matter what the rules are, children don't know the rules

there is an 8-year-old boy in "Super Parental teacher" who usually takes pleasure in beating his mother.

he tugged at his mother's clothes, pinched it hard, scratched it with his fingernails, hit it with his fist, and hit his mother in the stomach with his head.

the mother's neck, back, and hands are covered with scratches.

the 8-year-old boy was so strong that his mother burst into tears.

Mom had no choice but to turn to the parenting teacher:

"before I cried, he would feel sorry for me, but now I cry, and he is indifferent."

"I love him very much, but I don't know why, he just likes to hit me."

but the mother's cry, instead of getting sympathy from the parenting teacher, was criticized:

in the face of your child's violence, you did not have a word of reproach or discipline. It's just crying, begging and giving in step by step.

if adults do not teach children rules, children will not know the rules themselves, but will only get worse on the wrong path.

the most surprising thing in the video is that the 2-year-old sister doesn't care about her brother's violence against her mother, but just sings and plays with toys.

when her mother was beaten and cried by her brother, she even learned from her brother, hitting her mother on the leg once or twice, and her mother also let her.

what a child looks like depends on the shape of his parents.

as said in the book rules and Love,

Love and rules are never opposed to each other.

if you are not willing to discipline your children, the missing rules will inevitably be avenged on the parents themselves.

02

if you don't scold, children will not know what is meant by upbringing

there is a question on the Internet: what uneducated bear children have you met?

netizen @ shallow if shared a true story.

her neighbor has a bear child who starts screaming at 5 o'clock every morning, followed by the sound of things falling to the ground until the whole corridor gets up.

the child often plays all kinds of pranks, which her parents never care about.

once, the landlord walked his dog and took the elevator. when the bear child got into the elevator, he kicked her dog and spit at her to make faces.

the landlord was impolite and directly slapped the bear child on the spot and kicked the bear child.

the neighbor immediately came to ask: "Why do you bully my child? he doesn't understand. What do you care about with him?"

before long, the bear boy beat and injured a girl in the class and was hospitalized.

Bear parents not only do not teach their children a lesson, but also default on their debts without compensation.

as a result, on the way home from school, the bear child was beaten by the girl's brother with a slight concussion, a fractured rib, a broken nose and a swollen face.

was also thrown into the dustbin and covered with the lid, which was later discovered by sanitation workers.

A child with no upbringing will only become more and more lawless if his parents do not punish him if he violates the rules or offends others.

his parents indulge him, but others will not let him, and society will not connive at him.

sooner or later, his lack of upbringing will come back to him in a more tragic way.

No matter whether scolding or not is not love, it is the most poisonous medicine given to the child.

03

if there is no punishment, children will not know what the bottom line is

not long ago, CCTV political commentators released images of tearful eyes and regret before the execution of Kunming bully Sun Xiaoguo.

when his parents divorced at the age of 5, Sun Xiaoguo was sentenced to his mother, but her mother was too busy with her career to take care of him.

without discipline, he gradually became rebellious, did not like reading, and often led a group of younger brothers to make trouble everywhere.

A little bit bigger, Sun Xiaoguo fights and does everything wrong.

in order to test the power of the electric baton, hit the person directly until the power consumption runs out;

in order to check the training results of the dog, the dog was directly asked to bite his people; because he was refused to do something wrong to the girl, he arranged for a man to beat the girl.

out of the spirit of compensation, his mother doted on him and could not bear to discipline her.

but you are not willing to let the child who made a mistake bear the price, he will pay a higher price sooner or later.

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in 1994, Sun Xiaoguo and four gangsters were jailed for gang raping two girls.

His mother, who works in public security, changed his age from 19 to 17.

in the end, Sun Xiaoguo was only sentenced to three years in prison, but he didn't go to prison for a day, so he was illegally treated outside the prison by his mother.

in 1998, Sun Xiaoguo again committed a number of rape and intentional assault crimes and was sentenced to death.

Sun Heyu appeared on the stage again and moved everywhere. In only 12 years, Sun Xiaoguo was released from prison.

even if the son is guilty, the mother does not have a word of reproach: "the child will grow up to be sensible."

Mother's repeated cover-up and connivance finally pushed Sun Xiaoguo to the irrevocable land step by step.

writer Golding once said:

the sentence "the child is still young" is an excuse for how many parents are undisciplined. And how many children are shielded from teaching?

if parents get to the bottom again and again, their children are bound to break the bottom line again and again.

and a child with no bottom line is often closest to breaking the law and committing a crime.

04

on the way of education, parents should be "ruthless"

Swedish psychiatrist Urberhart said:

"No punishment, no authority, no rules, no progress."

there is bound to be an element of pain in education, and the sooner the child suffers, the better. "

what you fear most when you discipline a child is to be kind-hearted.

as soon as the child pleads, the parents will give in, and when the child cries, the parents will compromise, so how can we talk about education?

the more "cruel" the parents are, the more relaxed their children will be.

Yu Shiwei, the first person in Chinese management education, has always advocated that children should be strict: they are not afraid of tears.

when he was a child, his daughter loved watching TV and often didn't eat at dinner, so he told his wife not to stay for dinner and hid all her snacks.

my daughter could only cry herself to sleep. She woke up hungry in the middle of the night and begged her mother, "I'm starving to death!"

however, he let his wife refuse and asked his daughter to stay up until breakfast. From then on, as soon as it was time for dinner, the daughter ran to the table.

my daughter doesn't know how to be grateful and blames her mother for not doing a good job here and there. He asked his daughter to be a mother for a day, buying food, cooking, cleaning, washing clothes and dishes, and doing all the housework.

at the end of the day, the daughter realized that her mother had worked so hard every day and cried for forgiveness: "Mom, I was wrong."

under his strict education, his daughter became more sensible, discerning between right and wrong, and became a senior professor at the age of 30.

some parents may think, are they not afraid of their children's resentment if they are so strict?

however, her two daughters are not only smart and cheerful, but also both graduated from Harvard.

when the eldest daughter, Cai Sihui, was 18 years old, she wrote a special thank-you note to her mother:

unruly, not square, without discipline, it is difficult to become a talented person.

A child who has been severely disciplined may be aggrieved for a moment, but he will be grateful for the rest of his life.

Professor Li Meijin said:

the best parents are not obedient to their children, but let them know that they are in awe, stick to the bottom line, and do not do what they do.

05

I like what psychologist William James said:

there are no born bear children, only ignorant children with lack of education.

discipline is not to restrict the growth of children, but to let children grow up more freely within the limits of social rules.

as stated in the book rules and Love,

the core of family education is not love without principles, but love with rules.

the essence of love is restraint, not impudence.

as the saying goes, "the depth of love is the depth of responsibility."

No matter, no punishment, no scolding, you can't raise an excellent child.

the seemingly severe punishment is actually the gentlest protection for the child.